I know the feeling well, having been through different but similar. thank you for sharing. I applaud your bravery and your ability to see clearly now. Me? I’m gonna mull it all over for a bit. Many Thanks.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I understand exactly what you mean by using that anxiety as a motivator. I’ve struggled for decades with fear and anxiety as a result of an abusive person in my life compounded by an inherent shyness. What helped/helps me a lot is not only painting and art but also exercise. Walking especially. Those hurtful memories and subsequent anxieties never seem to go away but I have found that over time they are less powerful as new memories and friendships flood them out. Having some stability in relationships is such a relief also. I hope you are doing well these days. Thanks so much, Kyle. Take care.
Thanks for sharing this. As a person that had the same kind of "very nice childhood" intertwined with "very nice trauma moments", I relate with what you wrote. My go-to personality trait after my personal issues was the "make fun of yourself and you'll be laughing together" and that had taken me to a wrong path in life. This has been the target of therapy for years now and I think I finally got it in control. Thanks again for sharing your experiences, it's nice to know we're not alone.
Hey Kyle, thank you for sharing this, as it is one of the most insightful and relatable things I've read lately. I'm sorry to hear about your own experiences, and that I can relate. My daughter went through similar things recently, which is particularly difficult for me to see, but she's coming out in a good place as of late. However, I see her doing the exact thing you described - seeking validation via personal victories in all areas of her life. As you noted, in some ways this is good, as she has become "driven," as society perceives. In other ways, it can be harmful to her mindset. Hearing your experience has provided useful context for me, and also helped me realize that I did exactly the same thing since high school, and probably still do. Thanks so much.
"The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van der Volk has given me alot of incite to help me with my own experiences. You are a great teacher and artist. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I can relate. As a 5'0 tall 89 pound Freshman, I took my share of beatings as well. My sarcasm was a self defense mechanism that kept the bullies off guard, because they had no "comeback" for my humor.
Like you, years later I went back to that town I lived in and looked for a couple specific tormentors. I never saw them but when I left after my visit, I left my "personal baggage" about those bullies there...and refocused my energy.
Illustrating a children's book about bullying is still rumbling around in my creative head space.
Something I’ve observed over time is that bullies are made, not born. Which means that you could have perpetuated the violence done to you, like your attackers most likely did. But you did not. Instead you broke the chain. You refused to let the experience make you wretched. More than that - you performed alchemy.. You took the violence done to you and transformed it into beauty that has re-seeded itself all…over…the…world.
I truly can’t think of a greater success. Blessings and congratulations and continued growth and success to you, dear Kyle.
Hi Kyle, yes this does resonate with me. I came out of a nasty divorce, financially insecure, and had to rebuild my life/career and so this 'I'll show them' mentality has followed me around. Whilst I have achieved what I needed to achieve to gain financial security (which was my healthy goal) I can see how I sometimes go too far, and need to learn to be a human being not a human doing. And that I am learning now that I do not need to prove anything to anybody! I like the approach in the book Superbetter by Jane McGonagal, small steps. That helped me a lot. And the Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. Best wishes to you and your family. Catherine
I know the feeling well, having been through different but similar. thank you for sharing. I applaud your bravery and your ability to see clearly now. Me? I’m gonna mull it all over for a bit. Many Thanks.
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. I understand exactly what you mean by using that anxiety as a motivator. I’ve struggled for decades with fear and anxiety as a result of an abusive person in my life compounded by an inherent shyness. What helped/helps me a lot is not only painting and art but also exercise. Walking especially. Those hurtful memories and subsequent anxieties never seem to go away but I have found that over time they are less powerful as new memories and friendships flood them out. Having some stability in relationships is such a relief also. I hope you are doing well these days. Thanks so much, Kyle. Take care.
Thanks for sharing this. As a person that had the same kind of "very nice childhood" intertwined with "very nice trauma moments", I relate with what you wrote. My go-to personality trait after my personal issues was the "make fun of yourself and you'll be laughing together" and that had taken me to a wrong path in life. This has been the target of therapy for years now and I think I finally got it in control. Thanks again for sharing your experiences, it's nice to know we're not alone.
Hey Kyle, thank you for sharing this, as it is one of the most insightful and relatable things I've read lately. I'm sorry to hear about your own experiences, and that I can relate. My daughter went through similar things recently, which is particularly difficult for me to see, but she's coming out in a good place as of late. However, I see her doing the exact thing you described - seeking validation via personal victories in all areas of her life. As you noted, in some ways this is good, as she has become "driven," as society perceives. In other ways, it can be harmful to her mindset. Hearing your experience has provided useful context for me, and also helped me realize that I did exactly the same thing since high school, and probably still do. Thanks so much.
"The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van der Volk has given me alot of incite to help me with my own experiences. You are a great teacher and artist. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Damn. I’ve been there, dude. Check my experience here: https://blacksnakeofvanity.substack.com/p/bullying
Kyle,
I can relate. As a 5'0 tall 89 pound Freshman, I took my share of beatings as well. My sarcasm was a self defense mechanism that kept the bullies off guard, because they had no "comeback" for my humor.
Like you, years later I went back to that town I lived in and looked for a couple specific tormentors. I never saw them but when I left after my visit, I left my "personal baggage" about those bullies there...and refocused my energy.
Illustrating a children's book about bullying is still rumbling around in my creative head space.
Thanks for sharing your personal journey.
Scott
Something I’ve observed over time is that bullies are made, not born. Which means that you could have perpetuated the violence done to you, like your attackers most likely did. But you did not. Instead you broke the chain. You refused to let the experience make you wretched. More than that - you performed alchemy.. You took the violence done to you and transformed it into beauty that has re-seeded itself all…over…the…world.
I truly can’t think of a greater success. Blessings and congratulations and continued growth and success to you, dear Kyle.
Hi Kyle, yes this does resonate with me. I came out of a nasty divorce, financially insecure, and had to rebuild my life/career and so this 'I'll show them' mentality has followed me around. Whilst I have achieved what I needed to achieve to gain financial security (which was my healthy goal) I can see how I sometimes go too far, and need to learn to be a human being not a human doing. And that I am learning now that I do not need to prove anything to anybody! I like the approach in the book Superbetter by Jane McGonagal, small steps. That helped me a lot. And the Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. Best wishes to you and your family. Catherine