Kyle I am very similar to you and ended up with muscle spasm problems that led to urologic chronic pelvic pain syndrome. It took many years to get it under control.
Thanks for sharing all this Kyle, I read so much of myself in what you've described.
Awareness on self sabotagey irrational catastrophizing for us freelancers who quietly subject this on ourselves is everything. I until recently thought this was just me....
Hi Kyle, I am Monic from Spain. I believe that creative people are a lot more sensible, and we were just through a pandemic that made us go into survival mode. This also made me feel insecure, even though I was always doing good. For me, fear has only made me freeze or flight from working, having sketch ideas, growing my freelance career. But much of this comes from believing that what I have is not enough, not saying thanks (to the universe or god for what i've got), and not being kind to myself (always asking for perfection). But truth is, if I don't relax my ideas are not as good, and also, if I get sick I won't be able to enjoy LIVING, to enjoy pouring out my creative ideas, and also being with my family, seeing my children grow. Tips:
- Research compassion, check your thoughts from the POV of what would a friend say. My brain tells me all kinds of lies and I was believing them. When you feel sick, check the anxious lies, they will deminish over time.
- Cultivate the "everything will be fine one way or another" thought and check your plan B, even if my family has 0 income, other people will help me, nothing will happen if I take a job on something else for a while, but my kids won't starve.
- Check your thoughts towards social media, nowadays everyone is pushing the "hussle all day every day", but living is more important. To avoid burn out, take 2 days off EVERY WEEK, small vacations once in a while. Sitting in a park you'll forget about the rush of life.
-And lastly, be present, rub your fingers together and breath. Do you feel the little lines of texture in your fingerprints? That will remind you to be here now, not somewhere in a tragic future.
Kyle it seems like you've fought the fear with all of your strenght, but you can let go of the weight and repeat: "I am enough".
I appreciate so very much your vulnerability and transparency in this share. Watching you live on Behance, I would have never guessed you suffer from any of these issues. I too have suffered from debilitating anxiety while raising children and catastrophic worry. One never know what someone else is going through. I am so happy you have found ways to cope and retrain your brain, it is no easy feat! One thing that I have learned from therapy as 2 mantras: “where is the proof and evidence?” (Of the irrational fear) and telling myself “there is no emergency”. This has helped me get through 100s of panic attacks over the years. When I had breast cancer in 2020 (a lifeline worry I had anxiety about) all my anxiety stopped- “because the anticipation and anxiety of getting it was no longer there, I had it.” Since I faced my biggest fear, battled it and won I have realized how much time I wasted “worrying” over the years and now can live in the moment so much more bc I know each day is not guaranteed. Keep sharing and creating, and I wish you the very best with your serenity!
I can totally relate to this. Especially the past few months. The company I was doing graphic design for the past decade was in the middle of massive, massive layoffs back in the fall. I took a voluntary severance in November, thinking I’d find new work before the severance money runs out. Flash forward to now, where it seems like all I attract are scammers posing as job recruiters, I tried finding work in non creative fields (which I didn’t want to do, because I’m afraid it would be the end of my creative career) only to be rejected, either because of not enough experience in what they want, or too much experience in other fields. during that time, one of my cats died and my daughter broke her arm ice skating, and I’m still trying to comes to terms with my dad’s declining condition since he was diagnosed with dementia. Running was always my stress reliever and since October, I haven’t done that, I’ve been so focused on trying to find work (I’ve come to the belief that LinkedIn, Indeed, and zip recruiter are horrible with finding design or illustration work) that I neglected to take care of my mental health. I Normally have good blood pressure, on the lower end of normal, due to my running. I took my blood pressure a month of so ago, finding it to be much higher, which only serves to shoot my anxiety up even more.
The past week, I’ve forced myself to go for daily runs again, to train for a half marathon in May. Perhaps getting that structure back will help all the other crap fall back in place. That said, I am so thankful for my wife, who has been so patient during this.
I live with someone who has anxiety and has a very difficult time articulating it, this is very insightful. Thank you for sharing. It's a good reminder that there are actually human beings behind the name / brand.
Thank you for sharing your story! I have struggled with something similar because I stress myself out at times. And, just like you said, I recommend taking a walk, writing, or exercising. By the way, I'm loving this newsletter; it's so helpful and knowledgeable. :)
Hi Kyle - just subscribed to this due to your shares on Twitter (I'm being increasingly picky with my subscriptions but yours make the cut). What you relate here is so relatable to my own self. A while ago I was fired from my office job and since then I've been living off my (thankfully generous) savings, keeping myself out of debt, while at the same time focusing on moving to different, more creative job horizons to fulfill old dreams, reinventing myself at 50 years old in fact (which probably sounds between crazy and suicidal?), which have also meant taking in learning new skills where I'm a junior learner again. And yet, as you hear news of the economy collapsing left and right every day, I feel like my most heartfelt wants get at odds with what should be my main concerns (not eating up my savings and get a job ASAP) and that stresses me up quite a bit. I'm no slacker at all, but I also don't feel myself quite where I'd want to be either, and I may not likely have any other chances to change my life's course again. But at the same time bills always keep coming and need to be paid... some balance must be achieved. Thank you for sharing these life stories with us.
Such an interesting read. Especially as from the outside you seem to have it all figured out. Thanks for the honesty. I struggle greatly with stress, currently diagnosed with M.E. which was really brought on by a stressful event.
I also have an autoimmune disorder that's triggered by stress. Argh! I think modern life isn't suited to me.
Kyle I am very similar to you and ended up with muscle spasm problems that led to urologic chronic pelvic pain syndrome. It took many years to get it under control.
Thanks for sharing all this Kyle, I read so much of myself in what you've described.
Awareness on self sabotagey irrational catastrophizing for us freelancers who quietly subject this on ourselves is everything. I until recently thought this was just me....
Thankyou <3
It seems odd to hit "Like" on such a raw post, there should be a "Hug" option instead, with a little teardrop to indicate empathy.
Hi Kyle, I am Monic from Spain. I believe that creative people are a lot more sensible, and we were just through a pandemic that made us go into survival mode. This also made me feel insecure, even though I was always doing good. For me, fear has only made me freeze or flight from working, having sketch ideas, growing my freelance career. But much of this comes from believing that what I have is not enough, not saying thanks (to the universe or god for what i've got), and not being kind to myself (always asking for perfection). But truth is, if I don't relax my ideas are not as good, and also, if I get sick I won't be able to enjoy LIVING, to enjoy pouring out my creative ideas, and also being with my family, seeing my children grow. Tips:
- Research compassion, check your thoughts from the POV of what would a friend say. My brain tells me all kinds of lies and I was believing them. When you feel sick, check the anxious lies, they will deminish over time.
- Cultivate the "everything will be fine one way or another" thought and check your plan B, even if my family has 0 income, other people will help me, nothing will happen if I take a job on something else for a while, but my kids won't starve.
- Check your thoughts towards social media, nowadays everyone is pushing the "hussle all day every day", but living is more important. To avoid burn out, take 2 days off EVERY WEEK, small vacations once in a while. Sitting in a park you'll forget about the rush of life.
-And lastly, be present, rub your fingers together and breath. Do you feel the little lines of texture in your fingerprints? That will remind you to be here now, not somewhere in a tragic future.
Kyle it seems like you've fought the fear with all of your strenght, but you can let go of the weight and repeat: "I am enough".
Hope this helps!
Thank you Kyle for this honest post. Your words are a warm hug. I started to follow you only recently and I already love everything you share.
Thanks again from Alice, Italian illustrator living in South Africa.
I appreciate so very much your vulnerability and transparency in this share. Watching you live on Behance, I would have never guessed you suffer from any of these issues. I too have suffered from debilitating anxiety while raising children and catastrophic worry. One never know what someone else is going through. I am so happy you have found ways to cope and retrain your brain, it is no easy feat! One thing that I have learned from therapy as 2 mantras: “where is the proof and evidence?” (Of the irrational fear) and telling myself “there is no emergency”. This has helped me get through 100s of panic attacks over the years. When I had breast cancer in 2020 (a lifeline worry I had anxiety about) all my anxiety stopped- “because the anticipation and anxiety of getting it was no longer there, I had it.” Since I faced my biggest fear, battled it and won I have realized how much time I wasted “worrying” over the years and now can live in the moment so much more bc I know each day is not guaranteed. Keep sharing and creating, and I wish you the very best with your serenity!
I can totally relate to this. Especially the past few months. The company I was doing graphic design for the past decade was in the middle of massive, massive layoffs back in the fall. I took a voluntary severance in November, thinking I’d find new work before the severance money runs out. Flash forward to now, where it seems like all I attract are scammers posing as job recruiters, I tried finding work in non creative fields (which I didn’t want to do, because I’m afraid it would be the end of my creative career) only to be rejected, either because of not enough experience in what they want, or too much experience in other fields. during that time, one of my cats died and my daughter broke her arm ice skating, and I’m still trying to comes to terms with my dad’s declining condition since he was diagnosed with dementia. Running was always my stress reliever and since October, I haven’t done that, I’ve been so focused on trying to find work (I’ve come to the belief that LinkedIn, Indeed, and zip recruiter are horrible with finding design or illustration work) that I neglected to take care of my mental health. I Normally have good blood pressure, on the lower end of normal, due to my running. I took my blood pressure a month of so ago, finding it to be much higher, which only serves to shoot my anxiety up even more.
The past week, I’ve forced myself to go for daily runs again, to train for a half marathon in May. Perhaps getting that structure back will help all the other crap fall back in place. That said, I am so thankful for my wife, who has been so patient during this.
I live with someone who has anxiety and has a very difficult time articulating it, this is very insightful. Thank you for sharing. It's a good reminder that there are actually human beings behind the name / brand.
Fear got me sober. FEAR: Fuck Everything And Run
Or...
FACE EVERYTHING AND RECOVER
Thank you for sharing your story! I have struggled with something similar because I stress myself out at times. And, just like you said, I recommend taking a walk, writing, or exercising. By the way, I'm loving this newsletter; it's so helpful and knowledgeable. :)
Hi Kyle - just subscribed to this due to your shares on Twitter (I'm being increasingly picky with my subscriptions but yours make the cut). What you relate here is so relatable to my own self. A while ago I was fired from my office job and since then I've been living off my (thankfully generous) savings, keeping myself out of debt, while at the same time focusing on moving to different, more creative job horizons to fulfill old dreams, reinventing myself at 50 years old in fact (which probably sounds between crazy and suicidal?), which have also meant taking in learning new skills where I'm a junior learner again. And yet, as you hear news of the economy collapsing left and right every day, I feel like my most heartfelt wants get at odds with what should be my main concerns (not eating up my savings and get a job ASAP) and that stresses me up quite a bit. I'm no slacker at all, but I also don't feel myself quite where I'd want to be either, and I may not likely have any other chances to change my life's course again. But at the same time bills always keep coming and need to be paid... some balance must be achieved. Thank you for sharing these life stories with us.
Such an interesting read. Especially as from the outside you seem to have it all figured out. Thanks for the honesty. I struggle greatly with stress, currently diagnosed with M.E. which was really brought on by a stressful event.
I also have an autoimmune disorder that's triggered by stress. Argh! I think modern life isn't suited to me.